The warm summers
air was still as I ascended the stairs of the dunes at the old "Bronson
Park." Memories of running up those stairs as a child came and went, as I
took my time on that Sunday after noon. Carrying my Bible, I didn't
know why I was there. After mass, I got in my car and just drove. Drove
down town, down Lakeshore drive, around Silversides, did the turn around
my Muskegon Lake, and continued on. Eventually this is where I would
end up. Memories of other things came back, and I remembered showing so
many other people this spot in Muskegon that they did not know about.
From the top, you can see for miles and miles...it was my favorite spot.
I went up there to clear my head and get a breather from humanity. Atop
the stairs, I took the southern path, sitting on a bench that faced the
north. The long blades of beach grass tickling my legs, the whooshing
of the waves breaking, the birds chirping, the fresh air filling my
lungs, I found my place and leaped into deep meditation.
Why was I here though? Why this spot? This was where I could find my answer to a big problem.
Recently, I had ended a long term relationship, and the effects of being alone were still new to me, but effecting me more so that Sunday afternoon then previously had. It wasn't me missing a person. It was a part of me that was missing. I was alone. Not only physically, as in, I was with no one else, but my thoughts sunk in to, Geddy, you're on your own. This was disheartening. I have my daughter and family, and I love and appreciate them all very much. But again, this was a different loneliness.
So, I prayed. I asked God "Please Lord, please help me get out of this. I feel so alone. I am depressed by the feeling of constantly being stuck in the same routine everyday, with the same people, everyday. I need your help on this one."
I kept my head down, and cleared my mind. I flushed it from all the nonsense that it was filled with and just listened. Clearing your mind is not easy by any means and it is extremely difficult.
During the first few months of me being single again, I was not wild by any means, but I went from stage to stage, eventually landing to my commitment of conversion, and ultimately, to where I am now. I turned to alcohol to fill that void. It worked for a while. The first drink would calm my nerves, the second one was for the taste, the third got me a bit buzzed and so on and so on.... But where did that lead me? On a path to addiction I did not want. A path that would comprise so many things...my daughter...my job....my life? So, the booze took a back seat eventually. I still have one once and a while, (I gave it up for lent) but the path of addiction has been stopped long ago. Another stage was blowing money. It seemed like at the end of every week, I had just enough to get reloaded and blow it again. I went through a similar process during my divorce, and both of these problems were vices to I tried to use to over come my real problem.
Before this day, I had tried to figure out how to get out of this funk. I know other people can find that meditation in other ways, and that's wonderful, but it wasn't working for me. This July afternoon, I heard Him.
Eyes closed, a thundering voice filled my head and my heart. "Open your eyes." He said. My eyes shot open. No one was around me. My heart pounding, I thought "God just talked to me." It was a two part instruction. 1. Open your eyes physically. 2. Open your eyes to the world around you. I looked around. The sand, the water, the air. It made perfect sense. I opened my heart, head and soul, and realized that, with God, you are never alone. It took me 27 years to realize this. I opened my Bible and turned it to the first of the Old Testament. Genesis. I read through the first few chapters and felt anew, and so much better. I closed Bible, I stood up. It was at that moment, I felt the presence of the Angels, Saints and the Holy Mother. Along with hearing Him speak to me, it ended up being an event I will never forget.
My friends, the point of me writing this is to share with you the experience of Christ, and if you haven't already, open your heart to our Creator and Savior, and let him show you the way. I am a sinner and no Holy person by any means. But I can say with confidence I have heard the Lord and will continue to listen for him and do my best to lead as and example. Retaining that feeling of loneliness is depressing. But open your eyes. Look around you.
Take care my friends.
Geddy
Why was I here though? Why this spot? This was where I could find my answer to a big problem.
Recently, I had ended a long term relationship, and the effects of being alone were still new to me, but effecting me more so that Sunday afternoon then previously had. It wasn't me missing a person. It was a part of me that was missing. I was alone. Not only physically, as in, I was with no one else, but my thoughts sunk in to, Geddy, you're on your own. This was disheartening. I have my daughter and family, and I love and appreciate them all very much. But again, this was a different loneliness.
So, I prayed. I asked God "Please Lord, please help me get out of this. I feel so alone. I am depressed by the feeling of constantly being stuck in the same routine everyday, with the same people, everyday. I need your help on this one."
I kept my head down, and cleared my mind. I flushed it from all the nonsense that it was filled with and just listened. Clearing your mind is not easy by any means and it is extremely difficult.
During the first few months of me being single again, I was not wild by any means, but I went from stage to stage, eventually landing to my commitment of conversion, and ultimately, to where I am now. I turned to alcohol to fill that void. It worked for a while. The first drink would calm my nerves, the second one was for the taste, the third got me a bit buzzed and so on and so on.... But where did that lead me? On a path to addiction I did not want. A path that would comprise so many things...my daughter...my job....my life? So, the booze took a back seat eventually. I still have one once and a while, (I gave it up for lent) but the path of addiction has been stopped long ago. Another stage was blowing money. It seemed like at the end of every week, I had just enough to get reloaded and blow it again. I went through a similar process during my divorce, and both of these problems were vices to I tried to use to over come my real problem.
Before this day, I had tried to figure out how to get out of this funk. I know other people can find that meditation in other ways, and that's wonderful, but it wasn't working for me. This July afternoon, I heard Him.
Eyes closed, a thundering voice filled my head and my heart. "Open your eyes." He said. My eyes shot open. No one was around me. My heart pounding, I thought "God just talked to me." It was a two part instruction. 1. Open your eyes physically. 2. Open your eyes to the world around you. I looked around. The sand, the water, the air. It made perfect sense. I opened my heart, head and soul, and realized that, with God, you are never alone. It took me 27 years to realize this. I opened my Bible and turned it to the first of the Old Testament. Genesis. I read through the first few chapters and felt anew, and so much better. I closed Bible, I stood up. It was at that moment, I felt the presence of the Angels, Saints and the Holy Mother. Along with hearing Him speak to me, it ended up being an event I will never forget.
My friends, the point of me writing this is to share with you the experience of Christ, and if you haven't already, open your heart to our Creator and Savior, and let him show you the way. I am a sinner and no Holy person by any means. But I can say with confidence I have heard the Lord and will continue to listen for him and do my best to lead as and example. Retaining that feeling of loneliness is depressing. But open your eyes. Look around you.
Take care my friends.
Geddy
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